


Ineffable Weddings and a Funeral

by siephilde42



Category: Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994), Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Deaf Character, Don't copy to another site, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Four Weddings and a Funeral – Freeform, Happy Ending, I'm sorry Hastur, Implied Sexual Content, Ligur dies, M/M, Notting Hill reference, Some angst, sherlock reference
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:33:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21534523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siephilde42/pseuds/siephilde42
Summary: Anthony Crowley meets Azira Fell at a wedding. They do not commit to their feelings at first, but they run into each other several times.
Relationships: Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer, Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Oscar Wilde, Beelzebub/Gabriel (Good Omens), Crowley/Satan | Lucifer (Good Omens), Hastur/Ligur (Good Omens), Sergeant Shadwell/Madame Tracy (Good Omens)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 67





	1. The Device/Pulsifer Wedding

**Author's Note:**

> I love the film and wanted to write Crowley and Aziraphale as Charles and Carrie. Because I'm deaf myself I tried to give the deaf character a bit more "screen time", if you will.

"Oh come on. Don't be so grumpy, Mr Shadwell. It's a wedding after all."

"Not a big fan of weddings. Maybe you should have brought someone else as your plus-one, Jezebel."

"It's Marjorie, Mr Shadwell", she replied.

"Right. Forgot for a moment there. You know, I wonder how long they will last, anyway. They haven't known each other for a year, haven't they?"

She smiled at him, patting his arm. "Mr Shadwell, the ways of love are ineffable."

"Bah", Mr Shadwell answered, or Sergeant Shadwell, how he preferred to be called.

"Oh! I'm so sorry. I didn't see you there in my rush", they heard someone calling out.

"You know this red-haired gent?", Mr Shadwell grumbled.

"Oh, yeah", Marjorie replied. "That's Anthony, the best friend of the bride."

"He looks like trouble."

"Well, at first glance, maybe. But he _is_ really very nice."

"If you say so", Sergeant Shadwell replied, shrugging his shoulders.

"I'm really sorry. I was running late, you see, and I'm the ring bearer... Anathema is going to kill me. And now I've ruined your suit."

"Nah, don't worry. It was just champagne. Good thing I didn't take orange juice, isn't it?", the soiled party laughed and turned towards Anthony with a smile.

_(Good lord, that's the cutest smile I have ever seen)_ , Anthony thought, not absorbing the following words. "Uh, sorry, what?", he enquired.

"I said, if you have the rings, you should probably hurry now, shouldn't you?", the man replied, beaming at him.

"Oh. Right. Right", he muttered and ran across the lawn, making his way into the building. "Shit! Shittity shit!", he exclaimed, trying very hard not to shove any other people.

"There you are! I hope you did not forget the rings", Anathema called at him.

"No, no, I do have them", he grimaced, pulling them out of his jacket. "I'm so awfully sorry. The bloody M25... you know how it is...", he tried to explain, but the bride ignored his babbling, grabbing him by the sleeve and dragging him to his assigned place.

"Dear fellows, we are gathered here to join together Anathema and Newton in holy matrimony...", the priest began only five minutes later.

_(Close)_ , Anthony thought. _(Too close. Why am I always the one who's late? I need to work on that.)_

"Can I kiss you on the cheek or are you still mad at me?", he asked when going over to Mrs Device to hug her.

She rolled her eyes, but at the same time, she laughed. "I suppose I should have known better than to ask _you_ to bring the rings. I still love you, Anthony."

"Thank God", he muttered, embracing her. "Uh, do you know who the gentleman in the bright tartan suit is?"

Anathema raised her eyebrows. "Ooh. He caught your fancy, didn't he?"

"Ah... maybe", Anthony replied, feeling himself blush.

"Name's Azira Fell. From Wales. Has a bookshop back there. I'm afraid he just dates very sophisticated people. Out of your league, I think."

"I'm sophisticated", Anthony scowled. "I do read books now and then."

"Oh, please. What book did you read last?"

"Um..."

"Quod erat demonstrandum", she determined, a gloating smile on her face.

*

"Who's that over there? The handsome lad with the long beard?"

Newt turned to see who she was looking at. "Ah. That's Joshua Crowley, the brother of Anathema's best friend." He seemed to want to add something, but then decide against it.

"Does he have a girlfriend?", she asked.

"Not that I know", Newt said. "Why don't you go over there and say hello?"

She went over to Joshua, glass still in hand. With a wave, she said, "Hi, I'm Lena. It's a great party, isn't it?"

Instead of answering, the man frowned, then pulled a small notepad out of his pocket and wrote something into it. He extended it to her so that she could read what he had written. "I'm deaf. What did you say?"

"Oh", she exclaimed, taking the offered notepad, realising that she could not hold on to the glass and write at the same time. "Uh, can you take this?", she asked, holding out the glass to Joshua.

Rather understanding the gesture than her words, Joshua took the glass and pretended to want to drink it, which made her chuckle.

"I just said, I'm Lena. It's a great party, isn't it?", she wrote down.

With a smile, Joshua extended the hand with the glass back towards her, reaching for notepad and pen with the other hand. "It's really great. Great decoration, great food and great guests."

When she read the last part of the second sentence, she blushed violently.

*

"So, did you ever marry?", Marjorie asked, having left the state of soberness far, far behind.

"No. Just never found one. Not with the right amount of nipples, anyway", he slurred, equally drunk.

She burst out into laughter at this. "If one didn't know you, this would sound as if you had really weird preferences."

He leaned forward, waving around with his finger. "Ah, ah. I don't."

"I _know_ , Mr Shadwell", she replied, mirroring his movement so that they almost touched, upper bodies hovering over the bar table.

"It's Thomas, actually. Just call me Thomas."

*

Hours later, Anthony arrived at the hotel and slumped into a sofa in the lobby, marvelling at the wall and ceiling decorations. It had been a very nice evening, dancing with both groom and bride as well as with Marjorie, even if her companion had cut in in the middle of the song and asked her to dance with him instead. Anthony chuckled at the mental image. Whoever the old laddie was, he could not dance for shit. Good thing that Marjorie had taken the lead. So, very nice, despite him not having been able to find the bookseller again. _(Well. Now that the wedding is over, I will probably never see him again. Most of the guests are sleeping over at the castle, at least.)_

"There you are, darling!", he heard someone calling out. Recognising the voice with the Welsh accent, he looked up to see the bookseller in question coming at him. _(Speak of the devil)_ , he managed to think before he realised with shock that the sentence was directed at _himself_. _(Wait. What the fuck?)_

Mr Fell pretended to give him a peck on the cheek, whispering in a desperate voice "Play along, please."

Now he noticed the drunk gentleman (if you really wanted to use that word) who was following Mr Fell, slurring "Won't you come up with me?" Taking in the whole situation in an instant, Anthony jumped up. "Leave my boyfriend the hell alone."

"Oh. I thought it was just an excuse to play hard to get, you know." The man grinned at Anthony in a manner which made him want to plant a punch into his face.

"Well, I would appreciate greatly if you could kindly _fuck off_ , sir", he snapped instead.

For a moment, it seemed as if Mr Fell's harasser tried to size Anthony up. But then, he just shrugged his shoulders and staggered off, mumbling "Damn pity."

When Anthony turned to Mr Fell, his face revealed relief. "Thank you very much, _darling_ ", the bookseller said, winking at him.

Anthony felt his face burning up. _(Don't call me that.)_ "Uh. My pleasure", he croaked.

"I'm really sorry if I brought you into an awkward situation. I just didn't know how to get him to bugger off otherwise."

"Well", Anthony swallowed. "No, no. It's fine. Let's call it even, for earlier." _(How can a simple smile hurt that much?)_

"Could you come up with me?", Mr Fell asked. At Anthony's startled look, he quickly added "To the door, I mean. In case this unpleasant man crosses my way again."

"Ah. I see. Of course", he heard himself say, in a voice which did not seem to belong to him.

"You are too kind, my dear fellow", Mr Fell replied, gesturing at the stairs. Halfway on the stairs, he turned to Anthony. "Oh. I don't even know your name. I'm Azira Fell", he said, extending his hand.

With effort, Anthony bit back the reply "Yes, I know", just saying his own name instead.

"Anthony. I believe I have heard of you. You're the musician Anathema talked about, aren't you?"

"Uh, if you want to call it that. I have never sold a song, you know", he admitted.

"Hmm. But the songs played at the wedding were yours by a large part, weren't they?", Mr Fell asked while going upstairs. "I thought they were wonderful."

"That's very nice of you to say", Anthony managed to answer. "I, uh, mostly do Freddy Mercury imitations in cheap clubs because nobody wants to buy my works."

"Nice? It's just true", the bookseller replied. "I especially liked the one with the line 'it will begin and end in a garden'. Very poetic."

"Thank you very much." _(So, I'm out of his league? Really, Anathema?)_ "It happens to be my personal favourite as well, actually", he added.

At this, Mr Fell laughed. "I figured as much. A lot of heart's blood in this one, eh?"

"Yeah", Anthony agreed.

"So, that's me", Mr Fell explained, pointing at the door they had reached.

"Okay. Well. Good night then", Anthony murmured, avoiding Mr Fell's glance.

"Good night. Unless..."

_(What?)_ Confused, Anthony looked up.

"Unless... Um. I'm afraid my range of beverages is quite limited, but I brought my favourite tea because I cannot stand the brands offered at hotels. So if you fancy a cuppa...?"

"You... your question is not really about drinking tea, is it?", Anthony asked in disbelief.

The bookseller's ears had gone very pink. "Uh, I think not. I just thought I would try... I'm sorry if I'm going too fast for you. It's just that... I think you're nice, and... Ah, fuck it. Just forget it. I'm sorry if I'm getting across as creep right now."

Anthony tried to keep his voice level. "I... actually don't think you are."

"Thank God for that, at least", Mr Fell laughed. "Okay, then. Good night."

"Good night", Anthony repeated, but did not move. _(I should go, shouldn't I?)_

"Um. Didn't you want to go to your room?"

Anthony cleared his throat. "I don't really want to, to be honest."

"Ah. I...", Mr Fell broke off and leaned forward.

The kiss was cautious and gentle at first, but quickly turned into a passionate one.

"In that case", Mr Fell muttered when they finally came up for air, "come on in, my dear."

*

"So, see you at the wedding, then?", Azira asked.

Anthony stopped in the middle of dressing and turned to face him. "Wedding? What wedding?"

"Well, _our_ wedding. I assumed, after we..." When the bookseller saw Anthony's startled expression, he hastily added "I'm joking, of course."

"Oh." Anthony laughed, turning his attention back to his trousers. "Pity. Would probably have been nice", he said, chuckling.

"Probably", the bookseller said with a sad smile which Anthony did not see. "Well. I will be off to Wales, then. See you around."


	2. The Potts/Shadwell Wedding

_(Not again)_ , Anthony thought. "Shit." _(This is becoming a meme, isn't it?)_ "Shittity, shit." When he finally reached the church, he was completely out of breath. _(I should exercise more.)_ "I'm so sorry", he managed to say between gasps. "The bloody traffic again..."

"Yeah, yeah. Just go to your seat and be quiet", a man hissed at him.

_(Oh, great. Gabriel Hortense. Prick)_ , Anthony thought while running to the front. _(Well, it can't be helped, can it? Too many acquaintances in common.)_

"Oh, whoa there", he heard a whisper when he landed on the chair with a bang. "... Anthony?"

_(Oh, no.)_ "Hello, Lucius. How are you?"

"I'm good, darling", the man replied with a smirk.

Anthony grimaced. "Don't do that."

"Right, right. It has been ages. I _should_ be over you, shouldn't I?", his neighbour said.

"Lucius, _please_. Could we just focus on this amazing wedding?"

"As you wish", Lucius conceded with a strained smile.

_(Don't feel guilty. Don't.)_ Anthony focused his attention on the three people at the altar, which was a good thing because the priest began to speak.

"Dear fellows, we all are gathered together here to merge... join those two young... uh... wonderful people into holy mater... matrimony." He waved at them. "Madame Marjorie Potts and Witch Sergeant Thomas Shadwell."

"It's Witch _finder_ Sergeant Shadwell", Shadwell interjected.

"Sorry. Witchfinder Shadwell..."

Shadwell grunted, but did not comment the omission.

"What's his deal?", Anthony whispered to Lucius.

Lucius shrugged his shoulders. "His first time. Apparently an old friend of Marjorie."

"A friend of hers? With her... professions?", Anthony wondered, exclaiming a little.

"Hush. And, stop that pigeonhole thinking, please", Lucius scolded him in a low voice.

"In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Bean..."

With a lot of effort, Anthony suppressed a laugh. "That's not gonna get better, isn't it?", he whispered.

"I severely doubt it", Lucius agreed, grinning at him. "Well, at least it's not boring."

*

I'm _never_ inviting you to a wedding again", Marjorie sighed. "You and your ex were giggling during almost the whole ceremony!"

"Don't get divorced then. And it _was_ funny, sorry. Father Rowan is a delight."

Madame Tracy shook her head in disapproval. "Well. To change the topic, what do you think?"

"Of what?", Anthony asked.

"Oh, _please_. Did you think the seat assignment was random? Give me more credit."

Slowly, it dawned on him. "You placed me next to Lucius intentionally."

"Bravo, genius. So? He's a _very_ handsome, polite, intelligent man. And single again."

"Look, Marjorie. I love you, and I appreciate your efforts. I really do. But we didn't part on good terms, as you know."

"So? A lot can change in some years."

"He is hot, charming, well-read and all that, I will give him that. But he's also clingy. Needy", he explained, wrinkling his nose. "Some weeks before our falling-out, he even tried to get me to stop doing gigs because he was afraid I would cheat on him with - groupies, I guess."

She threw up her hands in resignation. "Suit yourself. I'm sure you two had good reasons for breaking up. I just thought, maybe it would be worth a shot. Enjoy the party", she said, kissing him on the cheek.

He sighed and made his way outside, away from Lucius, who was chatting with Shadwell and some other people next to the buffet table.

_(Nice fountain)_ , he thought. _(Wait. I know that tartan style.)_ All of a sudden, his mood lightened, and he sauntered down the terrace. "Hey! I don't believe it. You're friends with Marjorie and Shadwell?"

"Oh! It's you. Nice to see you again, Anthony", the bookseller replied, beaming at him. "Well, I actually have known Thomas for a while. But her and I, we get along very well, better than him and me, so I don't think I would have been invited if the planning had been up to him."

Anthony chuckled and lowered his voice. "To tell the truth, I don't understand what she sees in him. But, well. Long as she's happy."

"Look at us, bashing the groom at a wedding. Awful. I - give me a minute."

"Where are you going? Not Wales, I hope?", Anthony asked, hating the pleading tone in his voice.

"Be right back, don't worry", Azira replied.

Anthony felt that he had a huge grin on his face, and he made no attempt to hide it. _(Almost seems like fate.)_

Not even the fact that Gabriel came up to him could wipe the smile away. "Hey. Long time no see. How are you? Still working third-class gigs?"

"Well, yeah. But I'm feeling fucking great right now, thank you for asking. Nice suit, by the way. I think violet is your colour."

Gabriel frowned, straightening his tie. "Well, thank you. Don't hit on me, please."

"Am not. Never will."

"Thank God", Gabriel replied. "So, I got a big promotion. My boss... "

"I'm back", Azira chimed in. "Anthony, I'd like to introduce you to Sebastian, my fiance."

All the happiness in Anthony's gut transformed into solid ice in an instant. "Splendid", he heard himself say. "Splendid. How do you do, Sebastian?"

"It's nice to meet you", Azira's fiance said, shaking Anthony's hand.

"I, uh... the last time Azira and I met was only some months ago", Anthony managed to say. "I mean... how...", he began stammering, looking at Azira.

"Ah, well. We only met shortly ago, but Sebastian and I, we hit it off right away", the bookseller explained. "He's a famous author. Sebastian Melmoth. Maybe you have heard of him?"

"Can't say that I have", Anthony replied in a strangled voice. "Well, that's perfect, then. With you loving books so much. A match made in heaven."

"Well, perhaps", Azira said, beaming at him.

_(That goddamn smile. Stop looking at me like that.)_

"It's time for dinner! Get inside, everyone!", Madame Tracy yelled.

"Well, uh, see you later", Anthony said and fled inside. He was actually relieved to find himself at a table with Lucius. _(At least I'm not at the same table as Azira and his fiance. God. Well, that's what I get for not asking Azira for his number. I should have asked. Shit.)_

"Are you all right? You look pale", Lucius asked him, concerned.

"No. No, I'm not. Not at all. And I think I need alcohol. Extraordinary amounts of alcohol."

"Whoa. Sounds like a serious case."

"It is", he admitted, gulping down his glass of red wine. The first one of many that evening.

When he woke the morning after, he was not alone. "Great", he mumbled, rubbing his eyes. "Here we go again. I hope you will be happy, Marjorie."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not need to explain how Lucius looks like, do I? 
> 
> "Sebastian Melmoth" was a pseudonym of Oscar Wilde.


	3. Interlude

"Oh, no", Anthony muttered.

"What is it?", Lucius asked without looking up from his newspaper.

"Nothing", he lied, putting the letter into a drawer.

"Well, I need to dash. My patients won't recover on their own, you know."

"Of course not. Drive safe", Anthony replied absentmindedly, not reacting to the peck Lucius planted on his cheek. As soon as the door had slammed shut, Anthony opened the drawer to pick up the letter and to re-read the card. It was a beautiful card _(I bet he made the calligraphy himself)_ , saying in big, squiggled letters _Invitation to the Fell & Melmoth Wedding_. With a heavy sigh, Anthony let the card fall back in, out of sight. "Better focus on not getting late. Let's go, then."

He had not gotten very far from his flat when he heard a familiar voice calling at him. "Anthony! I don't believe it!"

_(Me neither)_ , Anthony thought, and forced himself to put on a smile before he turned around. "Oh! It's you. I didn't think I would see you before the wedding, to be honest."

"Ah, so you already got the invitation. Splendid", Azira said, chuckling nervously. "I'm just, just here to pick up some things for the big event."

"Find anything good yet?"

"No, not really. In fact, I was about to head to... say, do you have some time?"

_(Just say no.)_

"I'm really sorry to bother you, but Sebastian is on a tour right now, and I think a second opinion would be very helpful..."

"You're not bothering me. I think I could squeeze you in the agenda of my day." _(You never learn, do you?)_

"Wonderful!", the bookseller beamed. "It's not far, come on."

*

"Tartan?", Anthony asked. "You want to use a tartan suit for your wedding as well?"

"Well, Tartan is stylish", Mr Fell replied.

"Hmm. It being a special occasion, I'd suggest something else. Black floral patterns, perhaps?" He pointed to the suit in question.

"Oh. It looks quite lovely", Azira agreed and took it from the rack to try it on.

Actually, Anthony was having a very good time. _(You'll look cute in each of these suits.)_ His glance wandered around, landing on a white suit. _(I wonder how I'd look in this.)_

"So? What do you think?"

"I don't want to say 'divine', because that would be blasphemy, but..."

"So it's a candidate for the final round, then. Let's try that plain black one next?"

"The penguin one? Well, suit yourself. Literally", Anthony replied, and they both laughed.

In the end, Mr Fell opted for the penguin variant. "Coffee?", he asked.

"Why not? Oh no... No."

"What?", Azira asked, worried.

"I forgot my brother! He's waiting for me at the bank", Anthony said, starting to run.

After a short moment of consideration, Azira Fell ran after him, suit bag in hand.

*

"Unbelievable", Joshua signed. "You forgot me over some random guy?"

To give Anthony credit, he did not usually misinterpret his brother. But in that case, he absolutely did not want to translate the phrase "random guy". So, what he pretended to translate to Azira was "Uh, he says 'who's this?' I should introduce..."

"That will not be necessary", Azira signed. "And don't misinterpret him. It's rude."

Shocked, Anthony tried to defend himself. "I just wasn't comfortable with..."

Ignoring him, the bookseller extended his hand to shake Joshua's. "Nice to meet you", he signed. "I had a deaf friend in high school and learnt BSL. Obviously", he added.

In Joshua, two different impulses battled each other, the first one being to continue his tirade, the second one to be happy that he had just met another hearing person who knew sign language. The latter one won, and he smiled at Mr Fell. "Charmed to meet you. What's your name?"

"A-Z-I-R-A", Mr Fell spelled. "And my sign name is...", he added, making the sign for 'book'.

Joshua laughed. "Oh. _Oh_. You're the bookseller. I heard a lot of things about you."

To Anthony's eternal gratefulness, Azira did not ask what _sort_ of things Joshua had heard about him, but instead asked him for his sign name in return.

Joshua signed it back, the sign for 'Christ'. "Because of my name, J-O-S-H-U-A, and my looks, you see."

Azira turned to Anthony, curious. "And what's yours?"

Before Anthony could answer, Joshua replied, making the sign for 'dickhead'. "No, just joking. It's...", here he gave the sign for 'song'. "Because of his attempts at being a musician, you see."

"Straightforward", Mr Fell signed back.

"Indeed. And by the way, we don't need to go to my consultant any more. I already settled everything with pen and paper."

"I'm so sor...", Anthony began, but Azira interrupted him. "How about I invite you two to coffee to make up for this mess? If Anthony and I hadn't crossed ways, he wouldn't have been late, after all."

Joshua rolled his eyes at Anthony. "I wouldn't be so sure about that. But coffee sounds nice."

*

They spent a very pleasant afternoon talking about everything under the sun, short of relationship statuses.

"Could you excuse me for a moment?", Mr Fell asked and made his way to the restroom.

When he was sure that Mr Fell was out of eyeshot, Joshua signed to Anthony "Keep him. He's cute."

Anthony grimaced and gestured at the suit bag sitting beside the empty seat. "Oh, I would love to. But he's engaged to someone else. I was late because I helped him pick out a tuxedo for the wedding."

"Pity. I'm sorry, big brother."

"Yeah. Story of my life", Anthony sighed.


	4. The Fell/Melmoth Wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of this chapter is - for obvious reasons - very sad. I'm very sorry, Hastur :'-(

"Do you, Azira, take this man, Sebastian, to be your husband? And do you promise to be him a loving and faithful husband, until death does you part?"

"I do."

"Do you, Sebastian, take this man, Azira, to be your husband? And do you promise to be him a loving and faithful husband, until death does you part?"

"I do."

( _So much for that_ ), Anthony thought bitterly. ( _I'm quite petty, am I? I should be happy for him._ ) Putting on a smile, he joined the group of people surrounding the newly-wed couple in order to congratulate them. When it was his turn, he whispered "So here we are. Congratulations. I assume you'll advertise your husband's books in your shop window from now on."

Mr Fell laughed. "Goodness, no. He doesn't need my help with selling books at all. Of course, some of them will be in the bestseller section. But I try to be impartial."

"It was a silly joke. Sorry."

"No, it's all right. It's wonderful to see you here", the groom replied, kissing Anthony on both cheeks.

When Anthony returned to Lucius after this exchange, his boyfriend's arms were crossed over his chest, and his entire body language seemed tense.

( _Uh-oh_.) "Everything all right?", Anthony asked.

"He _kissed_ you", Lucius replied coolly.

"What? Yes, on the cheek. He's kissing a lot of people right now, actually!", he protested.

"... which are mostly women. He didn't kiss the gentleman in the violet suit, for example."

"... you are really working up yourself about that?"

"... well, the two of you _were_ involved, weren't you?"

"... yes, for _one_ night. Exactly one night. My God, I don't believe..."

Scoffing, Lucius turned on his heel, heading for the exit.

"... and now you are leaving? Seriously, if you think I'll follow you..." He sighed. ( _That's not going well at all, is it?_ ) "Where's the bar?", he murmured.

*

"Cham, stop. You shouldn't be drinking so much", he heard someone say while nursing his Scotch. He looked up to see a very pale man with untidy hair talking to another man, who was way better-looking and way drunker than his pale companion.

"Oh, Froggie. Just let me have another glass. You know, life is short. Let's enjoy it."

Even if he knew that he should not get involved, Anthony spoke up. "He's right. Let him have some more."

"Froggie" turned his head, giving Anthony an angry look. "All right", he conceded. "But don't complain tomorrow."

"Wouldn't dream of it", his companion replied and laughed.

*

"Hey. Where's your boyfriend?", Mr Fell asked, approaching Anthony.

"He didn't feel so well, so he headed back to our room", he lied.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I... hope you will enjoy your time, nevertheless."

"I intend to", Anthony replied, signalling to the barkeeper to refill his glass.

In the background, the music changed, and Anthony frowned. ( _But that's..._ ) He broke into laughter. "Good thing he left", he murmured.

"Pardon?", Azira asked.

"Well, that's my song. You asked Anathema for the record?"

"Uh, yes, I did. I don't quite understand. Doesn't your boyfriend like your music?"

"It's not that. He... Um, I ... I lied just now. He didn't leave because he feels unwell. He left because he got jealous after you kissed my cheeks."

"Oh, good lord. Sorry about that."

Anthony made a dismissive gesture. "It's not your fault. But I don't think he would have responded well to my song playing on your wedding."

"Hm. I see. Well, seeing as he's not here and you don't have a dance partner, how about a round on the dance floor?", Mr Fell asked. "If I'm not being too forward. I suppose that's not really an appropriate response to...", he added hastily.

( _Say no. Bad idea. Bad idea._ ) "I'd love to", he heard himself answer.

So, for the next minutes, they swirled around the dance floor. "That's nice, isn't it?", Mr Fell asked.

"It is", Anthony agreed. ( _That smile again. Damn you._ )

A spoon clinked against a glass, and Mr Fell broke their contact. "I think it's time for the speeches. Talk to you later", he said before scooting off.

Anthony found himself at the edge of the crowd gathering around the two grooms. He saw Mr Fell pulling out a piece of paper from his chest pocket and putting on his glasses.

"Well, I'd like to say some words...", Mr Fell began, but was interrupted by Mr Melmoth.

"Indeed. We would like to say some words. First of all, I would like to thank the minister. I'll call on you again the next time I get married." He laughed, accompanied by some scattered laughs. "Just joking. A wise man once said 'Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.' That's something Azira hasn't done, so I'm grateful for that. Thank you, honey."

( _How about the other way round?_ ), Anthony thought.

"Furthermore, I would like to thank..."

Behind him, Anthony heard moaning, which caused him to turn around.

"Cham" had his hand clutched to his heart, and his companion was asking "Are you all right?" Beside them stood Gabriel Hortense, a panicked look at his face.

Even if he was no doctor, Anthony instantly realised that, no, the man was probably not all right. He rushed to support the man. "Let's bring him into the other room."

When the three of them had carried him over, Anthony noticed the blueish hue in the man's lips. "Call 999 and go ask around if there's a doctor in here. I'll fetch my boyfriend from our room. He's a doctor", he called out to Gabriel.

Gabriel nodded and left, pulling out his cell phone from his pocket. "Froggie", even paler than usual, stayed at his companion's side.

When Anthony reached their room, it was empty. "Damn it. Where are you?" He ran to the lobby. "Do you have any idea where Mr Morningstar is?"

"I'm not sure. I think he headed out into the city about one hour ago?"

Cursing, Anthony pulled out his phone and called Lucius. "Where the hell are you? There's a medical emergency here."

"Hang on", the voice on the other end slurred. "Let me call a taxi. I'm at a pub."

( _Will you be able to help in that state at all?_ ), Anthony wondered.

As it turned out, he need not to have worried about his boyfriend's ability to help. By the time Lucius Morningstar arrived back at the castle, Ligur Lacerta was already dead.


	5. The Funeral

"It's my fault, sort of", Anthony mumbled.

"How is it your fault what happened? It was his heart", Lucius scoffed.

"Yeah, but I encouraged him to continue drinking. Shouldn't have done that."

"Please. People die. That's what they do. I should know. Sometimes you can delay it for a bit, sometimes you can't. It's how it is", Lucius replied.

_"...Let the airplanes circle,_

_moaning overhead..._

_...scribbling on the sky the message:_

_He is dead."_

"Yes, but...", Anthony began, but was interrupted.

"Marjorie asked me to consult her on something. Probably the umpteen time she thinks her husband has come down with something serious. I better do that now. Can't stay long after the funeral. Was hard enough to get some free time for today. See you outside the chapel?"

"Uh, okay", he said, looking after Lucius.

_"The stars are not wanted now..._

_... put out every one._

_Pack up the moon_

_and dismantle the sun._

_Pour away the ocean_

_and sweep up the wood._

_For nothing now can ever_

_come to any good."_

"Hey", he heard a familiar voice, very quiet. "Can I sit down?"

"Hey. Sure."

Mr Fell cleared his throat. "How are you?"

"Feeling awful, to be honest. I feel guilty. ... Isn't Sebastian here?", he asked, scanning the room.

"No... he's on a book tour again."

"Good excuse for avoiding a funeral", Anthony snapped, his tone sharper than intended. "Uh, I'm sorry. That was a mean remark. I shouldn't..."

"Why?"

"Pardon?"

"Why are you feeling guilty?", the bookseller asked. "I mean, you helped as best as you could."

"Uh, for one, I agreed with him when he wanted to drink more wine. I oughtn't to have supported that. Besides..."

"Yes?"

"Uh, I can't help but think that, if I had gone after Lucius to keep him from leaving, he maybe could have saved Mr Lacerta. Rationally, I know that it probably wouldn't have mattered. But still..."

At this, Azira actually chuckled quietly. "Tell you something, I'm feeling guilty too. It was my wedding, after all. And by your logic, I'm also at fault because I kissed you on the cheek."

"No, that's nonsense", Anthony protested.

"Well, I'm inclined to share the guilt."

"Uh... thank you?"

*

When they left the chapel, Lucius joined them with a surly look on his face.

Anthony tried distraction. "So, what about Thomas?"

"It was just an age spot. I'm pretty sure that lad will make it to 100. What is, frankly, surprising, taking his sugar cravings into account. But if I were Marjorie, I wouldn't worry about becoming a widow anytime soon", Lucius replied while eyeing Mr Fell with suspicion.

"Well, that's nice. I don't want to visit another funeral in foreseeable time", Anthony said.

Taking the hint, Mr Fell kept a respectful distance to them while the mourning group moved to the grave location.

_"Ash to ash, dust to dust."_

Hastur Rana threw a black rose into the grave, whispering something so quiet that nobody could hear it, except for maybe Ligur Lacerta.

*

After the coffin had been covered, Mr Fell came over to Anthony and Lucius once again to say goodbye. "I... it was nice to talk to you, despite the circumstances. I need to go now and catch my train. Hopefully the next time we see each other, it will be a more pleasant occasion. See you."

Lucius' reply "See you", was spoken in such an hostile tone that one could almost hear it as "See you _never_ ".

Awkwardly, Anthony and Mr Fell shook hands.

Lucius left shortly after, not even bothering with giving Anthony a good-bye peck.

 _(This has been a very tense month)_ , Anthony thought. _(I hope we can fix our relationship.)_ Sighing, he went over to Hastur to give him his condolences.

Over the next hour, the small cluster of mourners slowly dissolved one by one until Hastur decided to head home.

On an impulse, Anthony went up to the grave again. "I'm sorry, Ligur", he said.

"I'm too. I wish I could have been of more help", he heard a voice.

"Hello, Gabriel."

"Hello. I have been pretty useless, haven't I? You needed to tell me what to do", Gabriel Hortense said with an embarrassed, painful chuckle.

"Well, in the end I haven't been of more help."

"At least you _tried_."

"You did too", and for a while they stayed silent, contemplating the grave.

"A chameleon sculpture. I wonder what it was with Ligur and chameleons?", Gabriel asked.

Anthony shrugged his shoulders. "Didn't know him before the wedding."

Gabriel coughed slightly. "Can I say something terrible?"

"Go on."

"As awful as all of this is, I'm actually envious of Ligur and Hastur."

Anthony turned to him, raising a questioning eyebrow.

"I... I mean, they _really_ loved each other. Hastur's recitation..."

" _He was my north, my south, my east and west_ ", Anthony quoted. "Well. Yeah."

Gabriel hesitated before continuing. "I... actually have never been in love."

"I'm sorry."

"I, uh, I used to hope that someday, it - love, that is - would hit me, just like lightning, out of nowhere. By now I have accepted that that probably never will happen."

"Don't be too sure, old friend. You never know."

Gabriel frowned. "Did you just call me _old friend_?"

"I suppose I did", Anthony smiled. "Be honest, do you even remember why we fell out?"

After a short moment of confusion, Gabriel laughed. "Oh. No. I don't remember either", he admitted.

Still laughing, they left the graveyard.


	6. The Crowley/Morningstar Wedding

"Aah!", Anthony screamed and cursed. "How do I turn off that bloody thing? Ah, there is the damned button", he mumbled. _(Well, it worked. It's near impossible to sleep through these bright flashes. Awful nice of Joshua to lend me his alarm clock. Let me get up and get breakfast.)_ Humming, he picked up his wrist watch. (Yes, Anthony was quite old-fashioned.) _(Wait. Why does it show a later time than the alarm clock? Is the alarm clock broken?)_ "What... Why the hell is it already 9:00? I'm gonna be too late! Shit! Shit!" That morning, Anthony Crowley dressed and brushed teeth in record time, skipping breakfast.

"Get inside!", he screamed/signed at the welcome party waiting in front of the church. "The ceremony starts in five minutes!"

"Oh, I cannot believe that actually _worked_ ", Joshua replied, laughing. "Here's your breakfast, dear brother." He held out a bag. 

In that moment, it dawned on Anthony. "You... you messed with my wrist watch."

"Yes, when you went to the loo. I just hoped you wouldn't check your phone."

"It's... how late is it?"

"9:00."

"You bastards", he yelled at them. "Gabriel, Lena, you were in on it?"

"Well", Gabriel answered, obviously suppressing the urge to laugh, "we agreed that it would be a good precaution, given your tendency to be too late..."

"Go to hell, all of you."

*

"How did that happen?", Anthony asked.

"What? That you asked me to be your best man? Yeah, a year ago I would never have thought that", Gabriel Hortense replied. "I guess we worked out our issues, huh?"

"I'm glad."

"Me too. I'm gonna go to the front to greet the guests. See you later."

"See you later... uh, if you don't mind the question, do you have just the one suit?"

"What? I happen to like it. And didn't you say yourself that violet is my colour?"

"It is. Looking good."

*

"Hello Marjorie and Thomas. How are you?"

"We can't complain. I'm so happy Anthony finally decided to settle down."

"Yeah, yeah", Gabriel agreed, patting Shadwell on the shoulder and waving them down. "Hi, ... Anathema and Newton?"

"Yeah. I'm very jealous I didn't get your job, actually", she replied.

"Oh, sorry about that."

"Just joking. It's good you two became friends again."

"I'm happy you think so. Just go over there." He looked after them to check that they got the right side, then turned his attention to the next person.

"Hi..." He swallowed. "Bride or groom?"

The person raised their eyebrows. "Uh, do I have the wrong wedding?"

"Uh, no, no... groom or groom? I mean... er... Anthony or Lucius?", he stammered, staring at the small person in front of him. He never had quite seen a style as theirs.

"Lucius. I'm a working colleague of his."

"Er... okay. Then you're on this side. Uh... may I ask your name?"

"Lizbia Musca. But I prefer Bee, because it's gender-neutral."

"I see. Okay, Bee. Got it."

"Thank you", Bee replied, and smiled at him before going to their assigned side.

 _(Good lord. I've been struck by lightning)_ , Gabriel Hortense thought.

*

"Did you get the transcript for the ceremony from Gabriel?", Anthony asked.

"Yes, I did. Everything okay on that front", Joshua replied. "Lena will show me what is said when, using her finger."

"Perfect. Hey, Azira. How are you? I'm glad you could come."

"Hello Anthony. I'm fairly well", the bookseller answered, shrugging his shoulders.

"How's Sebastian? Is he on a book tour again?"

"Uh, I don't know, to be honest."

"Par... pardon?"

"You see, we broke up, some months ago. We... we realised we were wrong for each other. I actually, I uh..."

"Yes?"

"Uh, in hindsight, I think I settled for him because I thought the one I wanted was unattainable", Mr Fell admitted.

"Who?", Anthony asked before he could stop himself.

This time, he did see Mr Fell's sad smile.

"That's... that's not really important now, is it?... I wish you all the happiness in the world."

"Yeah... Thank you", Anthony replied. Unable to say anything else, he looked after Mr Fell going to his seat. _(No. No. What shitty timing is that? If I had known...)_ Running his hands thorough his hair, he went to the side of the church. Somehow he found himself in the church's crypt. "Dear God, forgive me for what I'm about to say in this place of worship. F*ck. F*ck. F*ck. F*ck."

When he looked up after a while, he saw Joshua standing before him, a worried look at his face.

"Uh, what did you just say? It looked like... Did you just repeat 'f*ck' over and over?"

Anthony sighed, nodding with his fist.

"What did Azira say to you? You ran away after you talked to him."

"He... he and Sebastian broke up. And I... I think... I might be mistaken, but I think he..."

"What? He loves you?"

Shaking his fist violently, Anthony answered "No, no. He didn't say that."

"But he _does_ , doesn't he?"

"I... He might. I honestly don't know. I don't know."

"Holy crap", Joshua signed.

"Yeah. I know."

"Call it off, big brother."

"I... I can't. Not based on a suspicion which might be wrong. ... There's no time. I cannot think. They're all waiting. I can't..."

"There you are!", the priest exclaimed. "The other groom just arrived. Can you come out, please?"

"I... I... Yeah", Anthony replied, throwing a helpless glance at Joshua. "I... I'm coming."

*

"Dear fellows, we are gathered together today to join together these both men in holy matrimony..."

_(What is he even saying? I cannot comprehend the words.)  
_

"... the glorious union between Christ and His Church, and hence, is not to be taken on lightly, rashly or inconsiderately, but reverently, well-considered, gravely, ... Therefore, if anyone can show just cause why this couple cannot lawfully be joined together in matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace."

"Stop!", someone shouts, which finally snatches Anthony from his mind-blank state.

When Anthony turns to the audience, it is Joshua (who is sitting in the front row) who has jumped up.

"I have something to say", Joshua signs to him. "You translate. You understand me best."

"These men should not marry each other." Because this man...", he points at Anthony, pausing.

With a mixture that is to equal parts horror and relief, Anthony translates.

"...because this man is in love with another man. Not with the man standing beside him now."

"Is that true?", Lucius asks, hurt and disappointment on his face.

Feeling all eyes on himself, Anthony swallows. "Yes", he says.

With a deep inhale, Lucius turns away, hands clenching.

Carefully, Anthony takes a step towards Lucius, putting his hand on his shoulder."Lucius, I'm so awfully..."

He does not get to finish the sentence, because his would-be-groom turns around with a violent jerk, and then Anthony's world goes black with a sharp pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tense change is intentional; it felt more natural for me to describe it that way to emphasise Anthony's feelings in that scene.
> 
> For this alternative universe, I'm assuming that celebrating same-sex marriages in an Anglican church is possible.
> 
> Lipreading is far from reliable, but if someone in visible emotional distress says the same word over and over, there are only so many possibilities which word it might be. Generally, lipreading is not reliable because only about 30% of the phonemes can be distinguished. How much can be understood depends, among other things, on how much context is there and also on which person is speaking.


	7. In the Snow

"I _hate_ you", Anthony spitted.

Smirking at him, his brother replied "You don't. I rescued you. I'm your saviour."

Instead of signing an elaborate answer, Anthony flipped him off, holding the ice pack to his left eye.

"Would you look at that. It's snowing. Just like in a soppy Christmas movie", Gabriel observed.

"Yeah, whatever", Anthony scoffed. "I cannot believe you actually did that", he signed. "I thought this trope was out of fashion by now."

Joshua shrugged. "Well, the solution seemed quite clear to me. Seeing as you were too far gone to act. ... Would you rather I hadn't done it?"

"I don't know. No. To be honest, I'm relieved."

"Then it was the right call", Gabriel commented, guessing Joshua's words from the context.

Anthony opened his mouth to answer, but broke off when he heard the doorbell ring. "Oh _no_. I hope that isn't Lucius to smash the other eye too."

"Relax, will you? I think he has other worries right now", Gabriel said. "Aren't you going to... Never mind. I'll get the door."

"What am I supposed to say? What do I say to a man I left at the altar?", Anthony asked Joshua, panicked. 

"Uh... 'I'm sorry', over and over? I mean, what else can you say?"

"Anthony! It isn't Lucius. Could you come here, please?", Gabriel called from the door. 

_(If it isn't Lucius, then... Can it be?)_

"Hi", Mr Fell greeted him with a nervous wave of his hand. "I, uh, just wanted to see if you are okay. I... I mean, that was quite a scene."

"Come in, please", Anthony offered.

"No. No. I have no business being here. I really only wanted to know if you were fine. Obviously you are, and you're not alone and you are cared for. I ...", the bookseller replied, taking flight.

Sometimes, in real life (and in fictional stories too), there are obvious crossroads. This was one of those. Go that way and never see Mr Fell again. Maybe fall in love with someone else, maybe get old with only some pet snakes around, or fall in love with someone else _and_ have pet snakes around, or maybe, given time, even reconcile with Lucius Morningstar.

Or go the other way.

"Azira!", Anthony exclaimed. "Wait!" He hurried outside to follow Mr Fell into the garden.

"...Yes?", Mr Fell asked, stopping and turning around to face him.

"Uh... I... I'm sorry", Anthony stammered, his breath visible in the cold air.

"About what?"

"I... I actually looked up your bookshop and your phone number, after, uh... the first wedding", Anthony stuttered out.

Mr Fell raised an eyebrow, but did not say anything.

"But I... never got up the courage to call. Because, uh, I wasn't sure how you felt. ... If you..."

Mr Fell interrupted him, beaming at him. "So... it _was_ me you were talking about. Well, I mean, Joshua was."

"Yes. Yes. You were. I was. Uh, he was. We were."

"Good", the bookseller said. "Because, you see ... I love you too."

"You... you do?"

"Certainly, my dear."

"Oh. I see. Uh, ... do you insist on getting married?"

"I don't know. Haven't decided on that yet. How about a kiss first?", Azira asked.

"Here? In the snow? I mean, it's cold. Shouldn't we go inside and ... oh."

*

Gabriel did not know much about deaf people, but even he understood that Joshua's waving of hands at the scene they were watching through the window was meant to be applause.


	8. Epilogue

In the end, Azira Fell _did_ decide to marry Anthony (and vice versa), and they had the most wonderful double wedding together with Joshua and Mary Lena Noble.

As for Gabriel Hortense, Lizbia 'Bee' Musca accepted, after an acceptable wooing and dating phase (however you want to define that), his marriage proposal.

Sebastian Melmoth did not have any lasting relationship for the rest of his life, but that does not mean that he was unhappy, at all.

And what became of Lucius Morningstar, you might ask? Well... let's just say that at Mx Musca's wedding, he got to talk to an interesting gentleman, of the name Hastur Rana.

All that is left to tell is that the wedding of Azira Fell and Anthony Crowley took place, naturally, in a garden. Some said that the rose arch was sort of an overkill, but they could not have cared less about those opinions while swirling around to the following song.

*

"It is the garden"

It was the garden, you see

Where we first met

Below the apple tree

Where it all began

It will begin and end in a garden

...

It was the garden, you see

Where I first set eyes on you

Over there at the wall, you and me

Where I fell in love

It will begin and end in a garden

...

It is the garden, you see,

Where it all comes together

And you finally see me

Where all becomes clear

It will begin and end in a garden

...

It will be the garden, you see

Where it will happen

Under a trellis, you and me

Where you will say yes

It will begin and end in a garden

...

It will be the garden, you see

Where we will know

Sitting on a bench, you and me

That we will be happy

It will begin and end in a garden

~THE END~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank @chronicleflask on Twitter for reading over the song text <3
> 
> I think that is the last story I'll complete before Christmas, so I'm wishing you all a happy holiday/Christmas time <3


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